Please excuse my blogging, I find it necessary to massively abbreviate the retelling my encounters for so many reasons, and feel unable to fully do them justice here. I also don't wish to bore you with the details I have already tried to pass on in our time together in person, so today I think I will focus on putting down my thoughts and feelings as the project has progressed.
I have frequently felt overwhelmed during this process, I don't mean this in a bad way, just that although we are doing something seemingly small and simple it is also huge. I suspect we were chosen for this project because of an openness in our characters, and I have found that the more open I have allowed myself to be the more I have been affected by all I have seen and experienced. This has been both a positive and negative, mainly the former but sometimes the latter too. I have been hugely touched by people's generosity of spirit and desire to create a sense of community in their lives. I have also found it surprisingly difficult to be told "No, I don't want to talk to you." My approach has understandably changed from person to person, but of course you only get one opportunity to make the first contact with someone so sometimes it's just not successful.
As I mentioned earlier having the time to explore and the purpose of creating Stop-Look-Listen has really given me a sense of license to figuratively and literally open doors and climb on through, to follow whims, make connections and enter spaces I would not normally feel entitled to enter. I really hope to continue this, but more immediately to allow the audience to indulge in this feeling too. My fervent wish is to give them time and space, and not find fault in them or much more likely myself if they "don't get it". I feel incredibly fortunate to have been chosen to have this experience and really hope to give the audience a slice of this...analogies of picture framing spring to mind, and the phrase "moveable feast" has been with me for the past few days.
In fact having typed that I then unearthed this - By metaphoric extension, the term "moveable feast" was used by Ernest Hemingway to mean the memory of a splendid place that continues to go with the moving traveler for the rest of life, after he has had the experience of it and gone away. The author used the title A Moveable Feast for his late-life memoirs of his early life as a struggling writer in Paris in the 1920s. He said to a friend: "If you are lucky enough to have lived in Paris as a young man, then wherever you go for the rest of your life, it stays with you, for Paris is a moveable feast."
I have frequently felt close to tears during our time together, for no apparent reason. I've not uncovered any particularly sad stories but have been just marveling at human kind in general. I have always been fascinated by the best and worst in human nature, and this week the predominant themes that have come up in so many conversations are - money won't make you happy and more fool those that think it will, it's better for your soul to always see the best in others, make the best of every situation that comes to you, and we need one another. Essentially Bobby McFerrin had it right, "Don't Worry Be Happy."
Judgement has so frequently reared it's ugly little head in the back of my mind this week. Not that I've been judging the people I've met or their stories, but wondering if other people will find what I've selected profound or interesting enough and therefore by extension judge my stories partners and me. However I've reconciled myself to the idea that they would have not made these connections at all without this project so whatever they take away from it is ultimately not down to me....However knowing money has exchanged hands in order for them to participate does bring up lots of questions about worth and cause me to doubt myself. Having said this I had a great deal of fun this morning in our very brief group walk around Hammersmith and hope that like me the audience will feel that that alone was worthy of their time and money!
As I said to Jane today I feel our two tours merging was a happy accident caused by having independently made connections with a couple of the same people and some how all roads seeming to lead to and from Bob. In fact it's emerged today that there is connection between pretty much every single person we have met and I've been astonished to uncover such a vibrant little community and feel so whole-heartedly welcomed into it!
I hope this doesn't read as self indulgent twoddle, or an irritating stream of consciousness...it's heading dangerously close, but as I said it's the enormity of it all which makes it difficult to record in any sensible way. Quite a few people we've spoken to have asked if we will be recording the "performances" and I've been responding by saying that no although it's like a documentary it's just happening in moment for the sake of all those lucky enough to be there at the time, and potential story partners seem to have been very satisfied with this explanation.
Anyway now I am rambling so I shall leave you all in cyber space peace for now.
Much love, A
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